Counselling
The Effects Of Fear On The Physical BodyThe human being is psychosomatic by nature - what that means is that our health is deeply influenced by our behavior, thoughts, emotions and social relationships. Therefore, in order to experience good health, we should care for our life style, our mental, sentimental, emotional and relational world, as well as our communication. Fear is bad for our health. It manifests itself in the form of anger and promotes coronary diseases. Fear suppressed for a long time ends up producing diseases such as cancer. Apart from cancer and heart attacks, there are other illnesses brought on by fear: addictions, anxiety, arthritis, asthma, irritability, nervous breakdowns, memory loss, gastritis, back pains, baldness, diarrhea, sciatica, crying attacks, alcoholism, constipation, hypertension, cystitis (bladder inflammation), vomiting, palpitations, digestive disorders, ulcers and migraines.
When we get old, our neurons do not die, but rather the connections between them disappear, that is what recent scientific research suggests. The neuronal connections or synapses keep us lively and young. When we have pleasant experiences, such as during meditation or when we are on a holiday or are surrounded by loved ones or while working in a team, some examples of activities in which we feel happy, the neuronal connections are more fluid. However, the lights go out when we feel fear. It is an emotion that is capable of slowing down and blocking the electrical impulses between the neurons. With fear we are less creative and we get older more quickly. If we do not want to suffer illnesses (or want our illnesses to get worse) we should learn to manage and overcome fear.
Signs Of Depression And Coming Out Of It
You feel depressed when you lack happiness and optimism about the possibilities that you have and a constantly negative consciousness and vision is produced. You lose hope. In depression you lack an interest in things. You are sensitive to criticisms, even if they are very little. You feel sadness, impatience, a lack of perspectives. You try to reach satisfaction through material means, like, for example, eating too much, eating sweet things, etc.
You get depressed because you remember past errors; because you need the experience of love in life; because you have developed the habit of seeing only the negative in each situation, without sensing that a positive side exists. The imagination behaves in a negative way; it is weakening, depressing and even destructive. Nothing seems attractive to you and you feel unmotivated.
To get out of this state it is important to accept yourself; keep a mental state of a detached observer; don't allow the mind to cling to depressing thoughts and tune it into the positive aspects of life. Sometimes negativity and weakness have overwhelmed you to such a point that in order to get out of that state you need a "bombardment" of positivism: go on a spiritual retreat or holiday to a suitable destination; surround yourself by good company; attend a course of personal development; get out of that state in which you are closed into yourself. Take the step. Nobody can do it for you.
The Evolution Of Anger
We become a little irritated when we are stuck in a traffic jam and we getting late to reach somewhere on time, or we are not going to complete a particular task, as per our expectations or if someone whom we very well know decides to ignore us today, for some reason or the other. If this seed of irritation is watered, or in other words it is given the concentrated energy of our attention i.e. we continue with the irritation for some time, it slowly grows or evolves into frustration. Unless we take some constructive inner action to stop the growth of the frustration and we keep energizing it, it will grow or evolve into anger. And if this happens regularly and we are not careful, it will become a habit, a part of our personality, which we will finally come to believe is a natural part of your nature. We will even think we were born with it. That it is 'in our genes'. Every time we become angry we cause the production of certain chemicals in our body and we also become addicted to those chemicals - then we look for people and situations which will give us an excuse to get angry so that we can have our daily dose of chemicals. We not only become attached to material objects, people, ways of thinking, beliefs etc. - we also become attached to our emotions like the emotion of anger. The regular secretion of these chemicals will finally kill our body. We don't need to kill our body. We need to accept that anger is never ever productive, know that it is just not necessary to be angry with anyone or about anything, know that it is entirely our own creation and know that we can choose a different response. If we know and accept that, we will experience freedom from it.
'Attachment's/ Addiction's' Explained With Interesting Examples
We have to dare to be free. Why? Because fear prevents us from taking the decisions that lead us to live and feel our full freedom. We should dare to let go because dependencies trap us. Let us look at a story that shows us what happens.
It is the story of a bird that, after having flown for a long time, leans on the branch of a tree to rest. While resting, it finds the wellbeing of staying there until, little by little, it gets the idea that its life is on the branch. When a day arrives on which it asks itself why it doesn't carry on flying, it says "Oh, this branch is stuck to me and I can't fly!" The bird blames the branch. In reality, the bird has got stuck to the branch. It has the capacity and the wings to fly but its perception is clouded. It no longer sees its purpose with clarity or its potential to reach it. The freedom of the bird is in its wings but it has got stuck onto the branch. That is the reality that it has created for itself.
The freedom of a human being is in his or her awareness. But when their awareness has got stuck onto the branch (the object of their attachment) and they begin to blame the branch for their impossibility to free themselves, then they are trapped. When our awareness is clouded and we are clinging on, we do not see with clarity and neither do we exercise our freedom and let go.
Another example of how dependencies trap us, is that of the monkey; you can trap a monkey by giving it a jar with peanuts in it. The monkey puts its hand in the jar to get the peanuts. On having its hand full of peanuts it can't get it out of the jar, so it has got trapped. To free itself the only thing it has to do is let go of the peanuts and that way it will be able to take its hand out. That is how we are at times, like monkeys; we don't let go and we stay trapped in situations, in people, in the past.
Along the way, we will find a lot of jars with peanuts in and branches to settle down on - many scenes that will attract us and please us. The dependency begins, almost without our realizing, when we begin to feel the desire to be in these situations. The pleasure turns into desire, the desire turns into need and the need turns into habit, then to dependence and finally into an addiction. It is fine to enjoy the branches, but let us keep awake and alert - conscious of our freedom - in order not to fall into dependence; enjoying the branch or jar without it trapping us.
Along the way, we will find a lot of jars with peanuts in and branches to settle down on - many scenes that will attract us and please us. The dependency begins, almost without our realizing, when we begin to feel the desire to be in these situations. The pleasure turns into desire, the desire turns into need and the need turns into habit, then to dependence and finally into an addiction. It is fine to enjoy the branches, but let us keep awake and alert - conscious of our freedom - in order not to fall into dependence; enjoying the branch or jar without it trapping us.
An example of how the pleasure turns into desire, the desire into need, the need into habit, habit into dependence and finally the dependence into an addiction process takes place can be seen in some smokers. The smoker, little by little, liked smoking, then desired to smoke, then needed to smoke; he/she created the habit of smoking, it turned into a dependence and finally into an addiction. It began because he liked it but it ended up generating that addiction.
We live disconnected from ourselves, with a lot of unnecessary dependencies and needs. When you think that you need to smoke, you believe something that is not true. What does it mean that you need to smoke? The negative effects of smoking on the body are well known; we already breathe in enough pollution from cars and we do not need to breath in more unnecessary smoke. However, the person who smokes believes that it is a need and, while they believe it, they don't realize, or if they do realize, they don't want to accept that it is an unnecessary dependence.
This process can happen in many other cases: emotional, mental and physical dependencies and addictions towards people, objects and ideas. When we are hooked we lose emotional, mental and intellectual control over our inner selves and in our awareness. The solution is in knowing how to let go.
We live disconnected from ourselves, with a lot of unnecessary dependencies and needs. When you think that you need to smoke, you believe something that is not true. What does it mean that you need to smoke? The negative effects of smoking on the body are well known; we already breathe in enough pollution from cars and we do not need to breath in more unnecessary smoke. However, the person who smokes believes that it is a need and, while they believe it, they don't realize, or if they do realize, they don't want to accept that it is an unnecessary dependence.
This process can happen in many other cases: emotional, mental and physical dependencies and addictions towards people, objects and ideas. When we are hooked we lose emotional, mental and intellectual control over our inner selves and in our awareness. The solution is in knowing how to let go.
Resolving Conflicts In Relationships
In relationships, sometimes we feel that the other person is not only a problem but also a source of conflicts. We have to be aware that there always have to be two people involved for there to be an unhappy or conflictive exchange. When we are in any conflict, it is difficult to see and understand the true causes and the real energy of the process of the conflict. The emotions that arise inside us during a conflict distract us and even blind us.
In the first place, it is important to recognize that your response in any situation of conflict is your contribution to the conflict. The process of responding to any person or situation is something that takes place in you. Nothing can make you feel anything without your permission. If you have been in conflict with someone for a time, for sure, you create fear oranger towards them, expressing thus behaviors of resistance when you communicate or relate to them. The other person is not responsible for your emotions or for your behavior.
Your experience of conflict and your contribution to the conflict begin in your consciousness and you keep them in your consciousness. It begins with your perception of the other (how you see others). If you perceive them negatively you will think negatively; you will feel negative and create a negative attitude; you will behave negatively, and so you will transmit a negative energy. You don't have to do it like that. Perception is a choice.
When there is conflict there is mental and emotional pain, even physical. Who creates that pain? You! Who creates at least half of the conflict? You! Where do you dissolve it? In your consciousness - in you. Freeing yourself of the conflict is a matter of a decision. At any moment you can decide not to be in conflict. One party has to dissolve their contribution to the conflict, even if it is temporarily, for the process of resolution to be able to begin.
In the first place, it is important to recognize that your response in any situation of conflict is your contribution to the conflict. The process of responding to any person or situation is something that takes place in you. Nothing can make you feel anything without your permission. If you have been in conflict with someone for a time, for sure, you create fear oranger towards them, expressing thus behaviors of resistance when you communicate or relate to them. The other person is not responsible for your emotions or for your behavior.
Your experience of conflict and your contribution to the conflict begin in your consciousness and you keep them in your consciousness. It begins with your perception of the other (how you see others). If you perceive them negatively you will think negatively; you will feel negative and create a negative attitude; you will behave negatively, and so you will transmit a negative energy. You don't have to do it like that. Perception is a choice.
When there is conflict there is mental and emotional pain, even physical. Who creates that pain? You! Who creates at least half of the conflict? You! Where do you dissolve it? In your consciousness - in you. Freeing yourself of the conflict is a matter of a decision. At any moment you can decide not to be in conflict. One party has to dissolve their contribution to the conflict, even if it is temporarily, for the process of resolution to be able to begin.
Limiting Ourselves In Comfort Zones
We are basically unlimited beings. But we limit ourselves in many comfort zones. We have a lot of conditionings which, in reality, are mental.
Some mosquitoes were put in a box and they kept jumping a lot. The box was covered from the top and each time they jumped they hit the top of the box, and when they jumped too close to the right or the left they hit the sides of the box. Slowly, to avoid harming themselves, they learned to jump just under the cover and without reaching the sides of the box. One day all the four sides of the box were opened. The mosquitoes were free, but they kept on jumping as far as the limit they had learned. The physical limits were no longer there. But they had become conditioned mentally. The same thing happens to us. We have to open the sides of the box and take off the top, or we can continue to live inside the box created by our own mind.
Given below are some conditionings under which we work, because of which we do not experience complete freedom.
* Beliefs, acquired since our childhood, which limit us.
* The negative images of low self esteem that we have created of ourselves.
* The damaging thoughts of doubt, which does not let the highway of trust to build up inside ourselves and does not allow the creative energy of positivity to flow from inside us to the outside.
* The fear of failure or not being to able to succeed completely. A lot of times the fear exists due to past experiences of failure or not having succeeded as much as you would have liked.
We need to become aware of what our pattern of thoughts is, which brings us under the negative influence of mental conditionings. When that happens, we will be able to become free of these conditionings. While we do not become aware, we will continue to remain under its influence.
Simple Exercise To Identify Your Hidden Fears
If you want to overcome and overpower fears that exist inside you, you have to first take a look at your feelings and hidden emotions. After realizing your feelings and emotions, you have to know how to manage them and finally correct or overcome them. Given below is a simple exercise that will help you to achieve that. This exercise will help you identify the conscious and sometimes sub-conscious (very subtle) fears that lie inside you.
Choose an area of your life that you feel is negative and needs some improvement. Now, ask yourself these three questions:
1. What do I really want, what is my aim and objective?
2. What obstacle/obstacles are stopping me from achieving my objectives?
3. What prevents me from dealing with or overcoming that obstacle?
For each fear that comes to you in response to the question no. 3, ask yourself the following questions:
A. What is the worst that can happen, if what I fear occurs?
B. What is the best possible result for me and for others, if I do it even though I feel afraid of doing it?
C. Keeping in front of you the answer to question B and comparing it with the answer to question A will inspire you to overcome the fears that lie inside you.
2. What obstacle/obstacles are stopping me from achieving my objectives?
3. What prevents me from dealing with or overcoming that obstacle?
For each fear that comes to you in response to the question no. 3, ask yourself the following questions:
A. What is the worst that can happen, if what I fear occurs?
B. What is the best possible result for me and for others, if I do it even though I feel afraid of doing it?
C. Keeping in front of you the answer to question B and comparing it with the answer to question A will inspire you to overcome the fears that lie inside you.
